Halloween
by CJman327
Summary: Francis is home for the destructive holidays but they encounter a challenging thief which lands in a battle of wits, wills and total destruction. Lois and Hal have a romantic Halloween night but and up in hot water when Hal has an idea to steal a hotrod.


"Halloween"(2001) 

(Dewey is cleaning up Reese's room as the instrumental version of Boss Of Me is playing while he's frantically cleaning up the room.  
(Malcolm walks by and sees Dewey cleaning up the room frantically and Reese watching, laughing)  
Malcolm:What's Dewey's doing?  
Reese:My chores.  
Malcolm:Why?  
Reese:I don't feel like it. And Mom's been REALLY high-maintenance lately.  
Malcolm:Why is she so ticked?  
Reese:I threw her 300 dollar cologne, jewelry, lipstick and other ladies stuff drawer of stuff and threw it at our neighbors. Richard's Dad Scott's still in a coma.  
Malcolm:Ha ha! Nice! But why is Dewey cleaning your room EXACTLY?  
Reese:She'll KILL me if I don't clean my room again! And she'll kill me if DEWEY has to clean my room again. Or emotionally stress him again and beat him up.  
(Dewey walks up to Reese)  
Dewey:Done!  
(Reese pounds him to the floor)  
Dewey:Ow! I'm emotionally exhausted!  
Lois:REESE!  
(You can hear her storm into the room)  
(Malcolm's talking to you)  
Malcolm:Uh-oh! I'd better leave this vicinity!  
-  
(Malcolm's talking to Francis on the phone)  
Malcolm:Yep, everything's cool here! It's Halloween tomorrow!  
Francis:Yeah! So you never told me what Reese is?  
(The camera shows Reese with duct-tape over his mouth, tied hanging upside down by a rope with the rope surrounding his body stuck)  
Malcolm:He's a tied up hostage!  
Francis:Who picked out for him?  
Malcolm:Well Reese wanted to, so he got in trouble and then Mom had to pick it out for him. Reese seems to like it a little bit. It suits him. I think it's cool too!  
Francis:Oh! I get it!  
(Malcolm smiles)  
-  
LIFE IS UNFAIR.

(Malcolm's talking to you)  
Malcolm:So tonight's Halloween. I'm gonna be a bloody zombie. Reese is a pro wrestler with blood on him. Dewey's a ghost. And Francis is a bloody skeleton. Dad's Frankenstein. And Mom's a witch. Suits her. But me, Francis, Dewey and Reese aren't fooling this year. We may be dressed up in costumes. But they're costumes from heck. We're gonna scare the crud out of the neighobor's, pull some pranks, stinkbomb places, crash some cars and maybe launch some diapers, rotten eggs and dirt and worms st some unsuspecting Trick-Or-Treat-goers.  
Lois:OK Honey! Ready to put on yuor costume?  
Malcolm:Yeah!  
Lois:Reese, Dewey?  
(Hal walks in with a Frankenstein outfit on)  
HAL:I AM FRRRRRANKENSTEIN! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HWA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HA HA!  
(The kid's look at Hal like he's an idiot kind of freaked out)  
(The door knocks)  
(Francis is outside with a skeleton outfit on)  
Francis:Geez! What's taking so long?  
(Lois opens the door smiling)  
Lois:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
(Francis walks in)  
(Dewey screeches)  
Dewey:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
Francis:RELAX, SQUIRT!  
(Malcolm and Reese slip on their costumes)  
(Dewey stops screaming)  
(Malcolm and Reese are smiling)  
Reese:WOW!  
Malcolm:Nice costume!  
Francis:Thanks guys! You too! (Francis turns to Hal as Hal smiles)  
Francis:Y-You too! D-Dad!  
Lois:Well, what are we wating for? Let's go!  
(Monster Mash is playing)  
-  
(The kids are launching things at people with a slingshot)  
(And old man gets slapped with eggs)  
Old Man:You darn hudlums!  
Malcolm, Reese, Francis and Dewey:Ha ha ha ha ha!  
(Lois and Hal are kissing on someone's steps)  
Lois:You're my handsome Frankenstein.  
Hal:And you're my beautiful wizard.  
(They continue to kiss)  
(And old ladie opens the door and whacks them with a cane)  
Hal and Lois:Ow! Ouch! Ugh! Stop it! Ow!  
Old Lady:Get off my property, you darn teenagers! Ugh! You kids make me SICK!  
(Signs are getting knocked over, people are screaming, the town is splattered with crud and cars are crashing)  
(Malcolm, Reese and Francis high-five)  
Malcolm:Yeah! That was awesome!  
Reese:That was totally cool!  
Dewey:I love you, Francis! My favorite part was when he splattered fake blood on that couple's house's door and make a fake gunshot noise with our pretend guns! That couple was SCREAMING their lungs out of their chest!  
Malcolm, Reese, Francis and Dewey:Yeah! Ha ha ha! That was awesome! Ha ha! Oh! Yeah! That rocked!  
Francis:Just as we planned it!  
Malcolm, Reese and Dewey:Yeah-ha!  
Girl:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
(Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis's eye's widen)  
Francis:We didn't do that.  
(Malcolm, Reese and Dewey shake their heads)  
(A black figure thief with a bag runs by)  
(The camera closes up a gun pointed at Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis)  
(Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis's eyes widen even more in panic and frightenedness and worriness concluding to a CLANG! commercial)  
-  
Reese:Wha the heck was that!  
Malcolm:I don't know, But from the black figure, the bag, the screaming and the gun, and the fact he was running out of a HOUSE! He's either a serial killer, a Halloween mischievous teenager, or a thief.  
Francis:Why did you add in serial killer?  
Malcolm:It sounds cool! And it's possible! Francis:Whatever. Well let's go!  
(They start walking)  
Dewey:What's gonna happen to us?  
Reese:Well, he'll take you to his morgue and then he'll-  
Malcolm:Shut up Reese! We're gonna be fine! After all, we're the top 4 bad boys of the neighborhood! At all times, but msotly on Halloween.  
(Malcolm pulls out a lighter and lights a person's wicked tall evergreen tree)  
(It bursts into flames)  
Malcolm:Now come on! Let's go!  
Man:HEY YOU 4! COME BACK HERE!  
-  
(Hal and Lois are kissing by a pond)  
Hal:This is just like our teenage years!  
Lois:Mm-hm!  
Hal:Oh Halloween. Remember that year when we took Old Man Peterson's car for a ride and got it wrecked in a faulty carpool shaft?  
Lois:Yeah! Ha ha!  
Hal:And THEN his dog Ruffles got stuck in the mail slot and we had to knock him inside by chopping down his do-hoor! HA HA HA!  
Lois:Yeah, Peterson really got ticked off that time, huh? Ha ha!  
Hal:Yeah! Ha ha! Oh.  
Lois:We were a bunch of lovesick teenagers back then.  
Hal:Yeah. And we still are.  
Lois:Mm-hm! (They passionately kiss AGAIN)  
-  
(Malcolm, Reese and Dewey are walking)  
Malcolm:So I guess, we'll have to make the best of this Halloween even though we've been beaten by a black-masked mystery thief and after 17 screams of horror in someone's house.  
Girl and Man:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis:18.  
Malcolm:Look, let's see what we can do because, wheneve we do something, HE outdoes us! I mean, we lit that tree on fire, he lights a HOUSE on fire. We hose down the school with nuclear waste. And he hoses down the CHURCH with LAVA! I mean, is that even humanly POSSIBLE! Never mind. The point is that we need to beat this guy! Are you guys with me?  
Reese:Heck yeah!  
Francis:Yeah, dude!  
Dewey:If it'll stop the monster!  
(They put their hands in)  
Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis:BREAK!  
(Every Morning by Sugar Ray is playing)  
(Malcolm, Reese and Dewey flood the streets with water)  
(The thief throws barrels of toxic chemical waste at people houses, which then blow up with people screaming and running into the water, slipping and CONKING! their heads on the grass)  
(Malcolm, Reese and Dewey frown looking at eachother)  
(Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis throw bricks thorugh people's windows)  
(The thief slingshots cinderblocks through people's windows)  
(Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis frown looking at eachother)  
(Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis pull a streetlight out of the ground)  
(The thief pulls a streetlight out of the ground)  
(Every Morning stops, a drum roll starts, and then a crash cymbal crashes into Good Life as Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis and the thief start battling eachother)  
Malcolm and Dewey:ENGARD!  
Francis:Touche!  
(They all throw the streetlights at both sides of the streets as they both race eachother)  
-  
(Hal and Lois are kissing)  
Hal:Wait! Look at that wonderful blue hot rod parked RIGHT by the river! Wanna take it for a spin?  
Lois:Hal! We can't do that! That's a vandalism! It's stealing! We could ge thrown in jail! But still, the invigorating thrill and exhiliration would be good to experience instead of letting it loose with snapping veins YELLING at the kids all day long! I guess if we took it for a qucik ride!  
Hal:Heh heh!  
Lois:But ONLY because it's so luring and, so are you.  
Hal:Oh yeah...Come on! Let's go!  
(They jump into the hot rod, buckle up and drive away on the road)  
(Another couple kissing quickly jumps up and runs towards the car)  
Man and Girl:Wait! Stop! Wait! Stop! Thief! Ugh! Ow! Ouch! Please! Stop!  
(The man trips)  
Man:Woah! OW!  
(He falls on the pavement as the car drives away concluding to a CLANG! commerical)  
-  
Lois:Wow! This is nice!  
Hal:Yeah! 10 inch subwoofers, luxurious relcining chairs, a massager, extra room in the trunk, a DVD player, PlayStation 2, remote to function open the windows and the cupholders and every other feature!  
Lois:How do you know all this stuff?  
Hal:I read it in the manueal.  
(Hal lifts it up so Lois can see it)  
(Lois's jaws drop)  
-  
(The thief is getting put handcuffed into a police car)  
Reese:Hope you like prison! Jerk!  
(Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis smile)  
(The thief lifts off he mask and she's really a really pretty girl)  
Malcolm:It's Sarah Jenkins.  
(Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis's eyes widen and jaws drop)  
(The police car drives away)  
Reese:I love you!  
Malcolm:I love you!  
Dewey:I love you!  
Francis:I love you! And I go to Military School!  
Sarah:Really? Which one?  
Francis:MARLIN ACADEMY! ALABAMA! WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER?  
Sarah:1509-666-8172!  
Francis:I'LL CALL YOU!  
-  
(Hal and Lois are driving and a police car's lights are flashing in the mirror)  
(Hal looks up)  
Hal:Darn. What happened?  
(Hal and Lois pull over)  
(A policeman named John comes out of his policecar with a flashlight)  
Policeman:Sir, this car has been reported stolen.  
(Hal and Lois look at eachother)  
Hal:W-w-Well, the thing is, see----um, we're holding it for a friend named---------John. He's a policeman and he's-  
(The policeman looks at Hal like Hal's and idiot with John's arms folded)  
(As he struggles to finish his sentence it concludes to a CLANG! next scene where they're in a jail cell)  
Hal:Well, that went well. Ugh.  
Francis:Mom? Dad?  
Reese:You're in JAIL!  
Malcolm:Cool!  
Dewey:Wow!  
Francis:This is a dream come true!  
Lois:Now now! Boys! Your FATHER here stole a hot rod and we drove it after I told him not to.  
Hal:Well you agreed to!  
Lois:Oh, Hal.  
(Lois sighs)  
Lois:Well, boys. What did you get for Halloween?  
(The boys are carrying Halloween pumpkin candy baskets)  
Reese:Mom, we're too old for that stuff.  
(Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis look at eachother)  
(They all then quickly whip out their pumpkin things)  
Malcolm:I got SO much candy!  
Reese:I know! Me too!  
Francis:I got so much! Dewey:Yeah! I got Starbursts, Skittles, Milky Way's and Twizzlers!  
Reese:I got like 2 gallons!  
Francis:Are you serious, dude? I probably got 3. I have a bunch in here! Sour Patch Kids, Three Musketeers.  
Malcolm:Nice! I got a Caramello! Skittles! Sweet! And some gummi bears! Awesome!  
Reese:Oh my gosh! I got a SNICKERS!  
Malcolm, Dewey and Francis:Wow! Cool!  
(Lois and Hal smile)  
Lois:Happy Halloween, Hal.  
Hal:Happy Halloween, Lois.  
-  
LIFE IS UNFAIR.

Next Episode:  
Lois Vs. Ida!


End file.
